dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
i've created a new STD.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
