I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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