holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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