My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'm just crazy horny about you
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
