One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
