Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
