I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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