I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
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