He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
