If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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