some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
