Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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