Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
