I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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