and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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