Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
