I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
