Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
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