Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
