I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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