she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
