I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
