I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
