were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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