Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
