I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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