maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
