if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
