You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
