is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
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It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
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He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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