Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
