dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
