I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
