you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
People in love make me want to vomit
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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