Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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