Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
