i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
did i just pee glitter
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize