Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
