I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
