You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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