I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
