so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
