I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
