it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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