Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
