kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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