Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize