**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
