I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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