Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
