Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
