I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
