Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
