You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
