This girl is more easily done than said...
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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