thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
