WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
