Can Purell be used as lube?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
