need another drink. this is the easiest way
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Randomize
