let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
