I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
