What a fucking waste of an outfit
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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