and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
