It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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