haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
