Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
