i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
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