I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
