I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
