But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
