we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
