i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
