I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
