Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
